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I�have come to the realization that Iapos;m not my biggest fan. I donapos;t like the way I look, how much I weigh, and I donapos;t have a lot of faith in myself in general. This is a problem. How can I teach my students to believe in themselves, and to feel that they are valuable to the world around them, when I could care less about my own value to myself?
I have spent the last two years half-heartedly trying to lose weight and build endurance to run a variety of different road races. I started out as a promising new runner, and had some pretty decent finish times. For some reason, though, I got lazy. I stopped believing that it was something I could do, and I let the opinions of others (youapos;re not a runner, youapos;re a walker, etc) let me believe that I was wasting my efforts. Even worse, I have let myself become jealous of my husband, and a close friend, because they have the stamina and motivation to complete marathons while I sit and watch. For most people that should be motivation to continue running, right? For me, it was another "sign" that I need to sit by and watch, and let myself get fatter because it doesnapos;t really matter.

Iapos;m not proud of this pathetic me. This isnapos;t a person I would particularly want to be friends with, myself. Who wants to spend time with a one-woman pity party? I canapos;t let this me get the better of me anymore.


Today, on October 19, 2008, I am re-committing myself to loving myself and taking care of myself. I am promising myself to schedule in time to run and to exercise at the gym, just as I schedule time with my students and grad school classes. I will stop expecting others to light fires under my ass in order to get me moving in a positive direction. Most of all, I�will not listen to "those people" who make comments about me, when I know that they are not in a position to judge.

My two big commitments today:

1. Lose 30 lbs. By April, so that when I start the training for the Chicago Half Marathon I can aim for a goal time of 2:30 hrs.

2. Get back into running 100 so that I can be ready to train for the Kentucky mini-Marathon in January.




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