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Iapos;m sucking at posting and responding to comments.

This weekend was the apos;Great Closet Cleanout of 2008.apos;� I havenapos;t touched my closets since the Boy moved in at the beginning of the year. What that means is there are sweaters and hand washables that accumulate on the floor of the closet due to my procrastination. Then the season changes and I donapos;t need those clothes so the pile grows and grows. I�had a half packed suitcase from when we went to Nashville in August still crammed into my closet. I can practically hear people cringing at my disorganization.

So 2 bags of clothes ready for donation and in a surprising move 36 pairs of shoes.� I went through my shoe closet as well. Yes, I have a shoe closet, yes its gluttonous but it is something of a collection for me. I�donapos;t collect�comic books or trinkets. I collect shoes. When I moved from Tennessee to Arkansas 3.5 years ago I had well over 200 pairs. I�am now down to 115. I�counted. All of them in good condition and wearable. I�realized yesterday I had a ridiculous number of tennis shoes that should have been thrown out long ago, the remnents of my past life as an aerobics instructor. One pair of shoes that will never be thrown out and the oldest pair I�own is the 1993 Air Jordons that I wore briefly for basketball. They have never been worn on pavement and are still in their original box. Love them At some point Iapos;m sure Iapos;ll have to wheedle down to fewer pairs but right now I have the space.

Iapos;m still limping about due to some random knee injury. Iapos;ve got an appointment on Thursday to see what in the world I have done. There was no traumatic event that started it all itapos;s just been getting progressively worse for 3 weeks. Iapos;ve gotten to the point that even swimming hurts so itapos;s definately time to figure it out.�

Iapos;m loving the fall weather we have been getting. Blue, blue skies and 60 degree days. Wonderful. However it is dark when Iapos;m supposed to be hauling my ass out of bed in the morning and that is just wrong. I need to win the lottery so that I donapos;t have to get up before the sun does.

Oh yeah and itapos;s Monday......

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I�have come to the realization that Iapos;m not my biggest fan. I donapos;t like the way I look, how much I weigh, and I donapos;t have a lot of faith in myself in general. This is a problem. How can I teach my students to believe in themselves, and to feel that they are valuable to the world around them, when I could care less about my own value to myself?
I have spent the last two years half-heartedly trying to lose weight and build endurance to run a variety of different road races. I started out as a promising new runner, and had some pretty decent finish times. For some reason, though, I got lazy. I stopped believing that it was something I could do, and I let the opinions of others (youapos;re not a runner, youapos;re a walker, etc) let me believe that I was wasting my efforts. Even worse, I have let myself become jealous of my husband, and a close friend, because they have the stamina and motivation to complete marathons while I sit and watch. For most people that should be motivation to continue running, right? For me, it was another "sign" that I need to sit by and watch, and let myself get fatter because it doesnapos;t really matter.

Iapos;m not proud of this pathetic me. This isnapos;t a person I would particularly want to be friends with, myself. Who wants to spend time with a one-woman pity party? I canapos;t let this me get the better of me anymore.


Today, on October 19, 2008, I am re-committing myself to loving myself and taking care of myself. I am promising myself to schedule in time to run and to exercise at the gym, just as I schedule time with my students and grad school classes. I will stop expecting others to light fires under my ass in order to get me moving in a positive direction. Most of all, I�will not listen to "those people" who make comments about me, when I know that they are not in a position to judge.

My two big commitments today:

1. Lose 30 lbs. By April, so that when I start the training for the Chicago Half Marathon I can aim for a goal time of 2:30 hrs.

2. Get back into running 100 so that I can be ready to train for the Kentucky mini-Marathon in January.




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�))))): rawr rawr. Sick.. Sore throat. Block nose. Had flu ytd night. Feeling so lethargic now.. I kept drinking water. Lol. Asked my maid to cook me porridge. Lol. Iapos;m gonna rest well now. Aha. Thereapos;s still trg later. Haha. I think i drank too much of honey milk tea. My throat feels pain after ytdapos;s honey milk tea. Hahaha. Everytime go np lib study then iapos;ll buy milk tea or honey milk tea.. Never really drink plain water. Haha. Stupid.�
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Apparently, the superpowers that kicked into gear with my Lost incident last week know no limits.

Iapos;ve been extremely tense for the past week for some reason. Every muscle in my back and neck is a knot at this point. I can barely even sit still at my desk because it hurts so much.

"Man," I said to myself just yesterday. "I could really use a massage."

I got into work this morning and found a fancy cupcake on my desk announcing the Style Networkapos;s (one of our channels) 10th birthday.

Then I opened my email. And do you know what I saw?

"CELEBRATE 10 YEARS OF STYLE WITH 10 MINUTES OF BLISS
Stop by the lounges near the elevators for a relaxing chair massage, courtesy of Style. Massages begin at 10 AM today"

Seriously, how am I doing this??
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1. I had to spend a lot of time getting caught up on various things that I did not do while I was away. Today I worked on two stories about giant pumpkins.

2. In the past week, Iapos;ve watched "Barbarella" and "Funny Girl." I love young Omar Sharif.

3. I went to a poetry reading last night and met a lot of neat people.

4. I went to yoga today.

5. I have to fill out all kinds of forms to get myself accredited for Farm Fair, the big rodeo/farm event in town. I even have to have photo id. Whoa.

6. My food security class requires me to do a term project. For this project, Iapos;m supposed to examine a community kitchen, food bank etc and see how it contributes to food security. Fortunately, I just read about a community kitchen in my local newspaper. I called them up today and will be embarking on this project soon.

7. I borrowed the new Weezer album from the library. Itapos;s kind of boring and there are only two good songs on it.
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Quickish update:


-love love love my dermal anchors.
-Love my septum, may not keep it for more than a year or two though.
-Shannon moved out. Thank god for having my own place again.
-Might be getting "let go" from T-mobile.
-Even if I donapos;t get "let go" from the store, I am looking for a different job where I -donapos;t- have to work with Holly.
-I have an interview today with a job placement company for college students.
-I have an interview on Monday with the OIT Help Desk on campus
-My art class, while kicking my ass is soooooo rewarding. Iapos;m so happy to have finally figured out what I WANT to do with the rest of my life. I canapos;t imagine not having art in my life at this point.
-Iapos;ve been so busy with school and work and homework at this point I feel like Iapos;ve been neglecting a lot of you. I apologize. Call me, I will make time
-The bit of time I HAVE been able to spend with friends has been awesomely awesome.
-Glad to finally have some girly friends that I can relate to and that can relate to me on the girly stuff. (men, bra burning, and stupid men? hehehe)
-Dating sucks. I donapos;t think I care to do it anymore. I donapos;t have the time or the energy. :-P (Itapos;s kind of nice to really not care about it for once)
-And it is really weird for me to do these bullet point type of posts. Iapos;m so long winded, I find it hard to sum things up in a sentence or two for each post.



So for now I have to shower, find my ssn card for this interview, go to campus to work on my resume and design homework This week is looking up


<333

glo

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I havenapos;t been sick in a long time.
And I forgot just how super fun it could be.
I canapos;t stand being hyped up on cold medication that doesnapos;t do anything.

On this TV�show...theyapos;re talking about Patti Lupone
That makes me really happy.
"What is I really do like Patti Lupone."
"First of all, who doesnapos;t like Patti Lupone? I mean have you seen her in Gypsy?"

Prison Break wasnapos;t on last night.
But luckily my Tuesday night TV line up has been satisfactory thus far.
I hope Without a Trace is up to standards.

Job interview tomorrow...I just hope i feel better.

Two men are gardening together on Without a Trace.
Ooh theyapos;re at a correctional facility
Thatapos;s my cue to leave.
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